When all is said and done just about everyone seeks the three universal desires for living well. We seek these three desires no matter what our culture, our country, our backgrounds, our education, our social standing or our religion. All our wishes, desires and achievements stem from a search for love, joy and peace.

UNFULFILLED SUCCESS

Alice was not unlike many of my patients. She seemed to have it all: a family of four, a huge house adjoining the country club’s seventh fairway, honors and accolades stemming from community service, a prestigious job as a pharmaceutical sales executive. But she was unhappy. Why?

To answer the question about Alice let’s think a little. If we were asked what we wished for in life we might say a nice home, a dream car, a Harvard-bound child, or a secure retirement. Others might wish for the legalization of all drugs, a fishing boat, or $10 Million tax-free dollars. If, however, we deeply considered the question—if we stopped and thought about it—we might come up with different answers—a happy family, a good job, trustworthy friends, a relationship with God—perhaps.

But wait. Let’s think even deeper. What values provide a foundation for all our wishes and desires? What are we really and truly looking for in life?

THE FIRST UNIVERSAL DESIRE FOR LIVING WELL: LOVE

friend of mine once said, “I can’t define love, but I know it when I feel it.” Although we may not be able to define we all want it. We all yearn for someone to love and someone to love us in return. We seek love that is true.

Love is chemistry

One of my medical students told me that loving feelings were nothing more than chemical reactions. When we feel love our body releases a whole set of chemicals that causes our heart to flutter, our pulse to race, our body to swoon, our mouth to speak warm, wishful words and our mind to whorl out of control. Nonetheless, I prefer a more poetic description of love.

Shakespeare on love

Romantic love: Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind

Erotic love: Pistol’s cock is up, and flashing fire will follow.

Love of God: Let never day nor night unhallowed pass, but still remember what the Lord hath done.

Parental love: The voice of parents is the voice of gods, for to their children they are heaven’s lieutenants.

Friendship: I count myself in nothing else so happy as in a soul remembering my good friends.

Sacrificial love: Love sought is good, but given unsought is better.

More than feelings

Well…yes, those are partial answers, but love goes well beyond chemicals and poetry. At times love is an act of will. We may, on occasion, extend ourselves for another’s emotional, spiritual or intellectual growth even when we have no affection for that other person. Multiple blessings come from sacrificial love.

Likewise, C. S. Lewis wrote about four loves storge, philia, eros and agape.

THE SECOND UNIVERSAL DESIRE FOR LIVING WELL: JOY

Perhaps joy is more difficult to define than love. I can tell you what joy is not. 

Happiness depends on happenings

Let’s say you have just paid cash for the red Lamborghini convertible you have always dreamed about. Because you own this car with no debt attached, you are as happy as a schoolboy at recess. Just as you leave the dealership a garbage truck crashes into your dream car demolishing the front end and dumping gunk all over your upholstery. Suddenly you become devastatingly unhappy, as unhappy as a schoolchild with weekend homework.   

In elementary school I was always the last one chosen to play baseball. By the time I reached high school I blossomed into a pretty good player. The first home run I hit instantaneously thrilled me with happiness as I remembered all the disappointments I suffered in Little League. The next at bat I swung for the fences and struck out. Unhappy? Yes.

Joy extends beyond happiness

Later, sitting in the dugout with my friends the unexpected happened. I suddenly had this overwhelming yearning, this intense, indefinable desire that this moment would last forever. This mysterious transcendence produced a feeling much deeper than home run happiness.

I felt the same way at the birth of our daughter Wende. When I first looked at that tiny promise, joy overwhelmed me; tears welled and my body tingled. I had a wondrous encounter with the immensity of life.  

One warm spring day Brad and I were fishing on Lost Lake in Red River, New Mexico. I looked over at my son and an unforeseen yearning that time would stop suddenly overwhelmed me.

All of us have had these brief moments of exhilaration, these joyful episodes that happen at the most unexpected times and quickly vanish when we try to hold on to them. They are the treasures

THE THIRD UNIVERSAL DESIRE FOR LIVING WELL: PEACE

May 17, 1995 a spring whiteout in the Sangre de Cristo Mountains trapped me in my tent. The pummeling snow fell so luxurious and lavish that I couldn’t see the boots that I had left outside. I had plenty of water, but no food. I had dressed lightly for my two-day camping trip. Thankfully I had brought along a -32F sleeping bag.

Snow messages

With nothing to do but listen to the snow falling I pulled out my Bible and began looking for the meaning of life. I would close my eyes, open a page at random, run my finger down the page, stop and look at the passage where my finger rested. I repeated this strategy dozens of time. Nada. No significant passage appeared.

I was in no particular danger. I felt certain that a spring snow would flurry out within a day or two. I could certainly live without food for a few days. I wouldn’t freeze.

So I just sat there in the tent laughing at myself when my Bible pointing finger revealed nothing. I began asking God to give me the answer to life’s meaning. I read a few Bible passages. Meditated. Read a few more pages. Prayed. Meditated. Gradually a thought began to appear and reappear again in my mind. Love, joy and peace inculcated my ruminations. As the flash light battery began to fade I snuggled into my sleeping bag content that I had found what we all seek.

Peace from within

Peace comes from harmony with others, trust between nations and an assurance that God loves us. We experience peace when we accept of our worth, our talents, our weaknesses and our shortcomings. Ultimately peace is a gift from God generated by our obedience to him. Surrendering our will to God brings us closer to heaven on earth.