Instead of the puerile codswallop politicians inflict upon us they might consider modifying these cosmopolitan insults :

• A member of Parliament to Disraeli:”Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease.” “That depends, Sir,” said Disraeli,”whether I embrace your policies or your mistress.”
• He had delusions of adequacy.—-Walter Kerr
• He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire.— Winston Churchill
• He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends.—-Oscar Wilde
• I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a friend, if you have one.—-George Bernard Shaw to Winston Churchill
• Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second…. if there is one.—-Winston Churchill, in response
• He is a self-made man and worships his creator.—-John Bright
• I’ve just learned about his illness. Let’s hope it’s nothing trivial.—-Irvin S. Cobb
• He is not only dull himself; he is the cause of dullness in others.—-Samuel Johnson
• He is simply a shiver looking for a spine to run up.—-Paul Keating
• To avoid being called a flirt she always yielded easily.—-Charles, Count Talleyrand
• Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on it?—-Mark Twain
• His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork.—-Mae West
• Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.—–Oscar Wilde
• He was like the pure driven snow but he drifted—-modification of a Mae West comment
• Statistics are like a bikini: Exciting in what they reveal, crucial in what they hide. 
• I once sent a dozen_______ (Republicans/Democrats) an email “flee at once, all is discovered.” They all left town immediately—-modification of a Mark Twain comment
• If you feed a starving dog he will not bite you. This is the principle difference between a dog and a___________(Republican/Democrat)—-modification of Mark Twain comment
• Presidential campaigns have become so expensive it costs a billion dollars to lose.—-modification of a Will Rogers comment
• Campaigns guarantee the we have the best President money can buy.—-modification of a Will Rogers comment
• Democracy ensures that we get the leaders we deserve.—-modification of a Winston Churchill comment