My good friend, William T. Hendricks, Jr., MD, says he helps perfectionists give up their punishing pursuits by telling them, “You have to learn to perfect your tolerance for imperfection.” In other words, “Learn to put up with your imperfections in such a way that you become perfect at accepting your mistakes and flaws.”

There are several ways perfectionists can tolerate their mistakes. Byron Katie in her book, Loving What Is suggests an approach used in Cognitive Behavior Therapy. For example, you tell yourself, “I must make an A on every exam if I want to get into the graduate school of my choice.” Here’s how to counter that absurd statement:

1. Is the statement “I must make an A on every exam if I want to get into the graduate school of my choice” a true statement?
2. Can you be absolutely certain the statement is true?

• An A on every exam?
• Who specifically told you that?
• What makes you think that?
• Where did you learn that?
• When did you learn that?
• How do you know?
• Are your feelings based on facts?
• Will your thinking help protect your life and health?
• Will your thoughts help you avoid conflicts with others?
• Will your thinking help you feel the emotions you want to feel?

3. What happens when you have that thought? Choose several responses: I get uptight. I become anxious. I get frustrated. I can’t enjoy my life. I become depressed. I study all the time. I neglect my friends….and on and on………