Last Friday a Yankee told me I was losing my Texas accent. I was shaken to the bones. This is a tragedy more gloomy than Hamlet, McBeth or the Seinfeld cancellation. 

For the last week I have been working on talkin’ Texan by using these reminders and drills: 

• To speak Texan always drop the g in words endin’ with ing as in I’m fixin’ to say the words right. 
• In Texas the accent is almost always on the first syllable as in “DAWugs (canine) and CAYuts (feline).”
• Spelt: The way to write words right as in “If I had spelt grammer right I wouldn’t have made an F in English.”
• Dadgummit: Something you say when you make an F in English.
• BAWul: A round thing that you throw.
• PITur: The guy or gal who throws the BAWul; also, a jug that holds liquid as in “Bring me a PITur of margaritas porfavor;” or something you hang on a wall as in “That’s a pretty PITur of your family.”
• HOSS: You put a saddle on it and ride. Also the chief, the ace, the quarterback, the big boss man.
• Shurf: The head lawman in Texas counties.
• Hep: Something you say when you are drowning.
• Far: A blaze like a forest far.
• Birt: All black and sooty as in the forest birt up.
• Tars: Round rubber things that your car rolls on. (Here is a good practice drill: I had to change the tars on my car because they caught far and got birt up.)
• Awl: A black grease that comes out of the ground.
• BIDness: The way Texans make a living like saying, “I’m in the awl bidness.”
• ‘Mercans: People who live in the United States.
• Govmit: People in Washington DC to whom Texans send foreign aid.
• Yit: Yet
• Yew: You 
• Yawl: A group of people
• Bawks: A six-sided container you put things in.
• EYESbawks: A cold storage place for EYEScream.
• Spoilt: What happens to deer meat if you don’t put it in the EYESbawks.
• Kilt: What you do to a 10-point deer before you strap him to the hood of your Ford-450 as in “I kilt me the biggest buck in Texas.” (Be sure the deer is kilt before you put ’em in the EYESbawks.)
• Eight: Eat or eaten
• Butter: A warning as in “You butter not come home late.”
• Caint: Unable to perform or do as in “I caint put the far out.”
• DAINce: What you do when the band plays.