How to Prepare for the Ski Season

Those considering a ski trip over the holidays should follow these rules before making reservations.

  • Visit your local butcher and pay him $10,000 to sit in the freezer.
  • Drive around during rush hour while playing a tape of kids screaming. Make certain that the volume is at the highest level. 
  • Bounce on a trampoline and jump onto the ground 10 times.
  • Sit in an airport terminal for 14 hours.
  • Walk across an ice rink 30 times in your ski boots carrying two pair of skis. Pretend you are looking for your car.
  • For ski boot simulation, pit a pebble in your street shoes and tighten a clamp around your toes.
  • Give Ex-Lax and Ipecac Syrup to all your children to simulate the third day of skiing.
  • Pay a local vender $7.50 for a cold cup of hot chocolate.
  • Buy a pair of gloves and immediately throw one away.
  • Park your car on a steep slope and stick a nail in your left back tire.
  • For those who like to snowboard tie your shoe laces together and have someone repeatedly shove you down the stairs. 
  • Sit in an emergency room in your ski clothes for 9 hours.
  • Put on as many clothes as you can, then take them off to go to the bathroom.
  • Perform these simulations while breathing through a straw. 

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