Feedback: The Breakfast of Champions

The first Thursday of every month Vicki and I go to the barber shop–excuse me, the hair salon. She goes at 1:30 PM. When I get there at 2:00 PM her wet hair has all sorts of silvery things sticking out in all directions. She looks sort of like a frightened porcupine with tinsels on every quill.

I get my hair cut. Fifteen minutes later I am out of there. Vicki returns home in less than an hour looking like the Princess Bride.

Last Thursday Vicki returned as mad as a rabid dog on PCP. “You are an imperious, supercilious, pompous, despotic narcissist . You bragged, boasted and bloviated throughout your haircut. You acted like a sententious prig. I’m never going to get my hair done when you are there.”

I admired her vocabulary, but was stunned and frightened by her attitude. Her evaluation, however, proved to be correct. As I reviewed my behavior I realized throughout the haircutI I had constantly lectured, boasted and bragged. I payed no attention to Sarah, the gentle and sweet hairstylist who cuts my hair. I asked no questions; gave no encouragement.

Later when I felt safe enough and had looked up all her words in the dictionary, I asked Vicki if I was always like that. “Rarely,” she said.

Rarely is not infrequent enough. Boasting reflects poor character. Bragging indicates low self-esteem. Hubris repudiates the Bible.

Later, I realized Vicki had blessed me. She identified a flaw in my behavior that I had not recognized. She helped me become a better person. She gave me constructive feedback.

Feedback is the breakfast of champions. Friends and family who give positive and constructive feedback nourish the spirit.

PS: Constantly repeating an admonition is not feedback. Incessant rebuke characterizes nagging. Never nag. Nagging always fails. One key to a happy home: Praise good behavior and it will increase; ignore bad behavior and it will diminish.

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