Recently, after getting in Facebook touch with some of my high school friends I began to feel sad, intensely sad.

What’s going on here? Why am I sad? Never mind—I’ll go for a long jog. The sadness will go away. Still sad. I’ll eat some ice cream that’ll help.  A movie? No, that didn’t help. How about a board game with the family? Working out with friends at the club? Reading the Bible? Praying? Still sad.

So I tried the zen approach. Where am I feeling this pain? In my heart, my heart is aching. It’s so sad that it’s going to stop beating. What shape is the pain in? A tear drop. A tiny tear drop. Then more and more tear drops. What color is it? Blue. No purple. Deep purple, almost black. Where else am I feeling this pain? In my brain. My cerebral cortex is sending out painful messages. I was so scared then, in high school. I had no confidence. I wish I could go back and play football again. It was so much fun. Why did I quit the team? That was stupid. Math. I was so lost in math. I didn’t understand it. Why didn’t I ask that girl I had a crush on for help? Why didn’t I smile more? Did I ever laugh? I wish I could go back again and have more fun in high school.  That girl in history class that I really, really liked what did I stop seeing her after one date. Why was I so standoffish with everyone? A best friend? I didn’t have one. Why not? That other girl–the girl of my dreams–why didn’t I pursue her with more vigor? It would have been nice to have a girl friend. I’m so ashamed of my passiveness. Man, I was depressed–depressed and scared.

Now accept the sadness. Feel it deeply. Grieve.

OK. I had these feelings then and I’m re-experiencing them now. I’m a lost little boy again.
Let’s take care of that little boy. Comfort him. Treat him kindly. Gently teach him to stop criticizing himself. Don’t let him beat-up on himself. Treat him as you would a grieving family member or a friend. Pray for him. Read scriptures to him. Nurture him.

Alright little boy let’s turn your grief, your lostness into compassion. Be kinder to others. Listen, really listen to them. Support them. Help them. Understand them. Pray for them. Get active. Get your medical charts up to date. Write a page in your book today. Have fun. Play. Laugh. Learn. Love.

That’s interesting. This approach helped. I’m feeling better. I’m sad no more.

Maybe this will work in other situations. When I’m frustrated. When I’m disappointed. When I’m angry. Instead of distracting myself with food or exercise or alcohol or shopping or frenetic activity, perhaps I should understand my feelings, accept my feelings, treat myself kindly, and turn my negative feelings into love and productive work.

Maybe it will work for all of us. When we are having negative feelings, let’s try this technique. It is not easy thinking and feeling this way. It will take practice. But it will be worth it. All of us will be kinder to ourselves.

Experience the kindness:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1Jw31Howgqg