Anger can be appropriate or inappropriate:
- Constructive anger can strengthen relationships when utilized to correct a problem, right an injustice, or defend the innocent.
- Suppressed anger can cause bitterness or consume us from within. Sometimes depression can result from anger at others or anger at a situation that is turned against the self.
- Anger over selfish demands.
- Anger from demands for perfection.
- Anger that results from fear of rejection.
How do we determine appropriateness when we are angry? Ask yourself:
- Am I being selfish?
- Am I angry because I want more than I need.
- Are my demands unreasonable?
- Am I expecting too much of myself and others?
- Am I afraid of being rejected or hurt?
An affirmative answer to any of these questions indicate that you have a problem that needs fixing:
- Walk away, imagine a relaxing scene such as a cooling rain falling, take deep breaths, breathing in relaxation, breathing out tension
- Diminish selfishness by thinking of the difficulties others have.
- Remind yourself that no one is perfect. Be forgiving of yourself and others.
- If you get angry because you feel unloved, remember that anger increases the probability of rejection.
- Improve your attitude about yourself and you will improve the way others respond to you.
When someone has angered you clearing the air and making appropriate suggestions for change will prevent deterioration in a relationship and produce needed corrections in behavior. Use the following approach to vent anger in a way that strengthens relationships:
- Meet alone with the person who has incurred your wrath.
- Tell the person what you’re upset about.
- Let the person know how you feel about the problem.
- Be quiet a few seconds and let the person feel how your feel.
- Work together to formulate a solution for the difficulty.
- Shake hands. When it’s over, it’s over.
What does the Bible say about anger:
- Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Ephesians 4:26, 31
- For a man’s anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires. James 1:20
- A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11
- A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger. Proverbs 15:1
- A hot-tempered man stirs up dissension, but a patient man calms a quarrel. Proverbs 15:18
Click here whenever anger overtakes you: