If only, if only is a line sung in the 2003 comedy-adventure movie Holes starring Jon Voight, Sigourney Weaver and Shia LaBeouf about a wrongfully convicted boy sent to a brutal desert detention camp where he joins the job of digging holes for some mysterious reason.
It’s one of my top ten movies of all time. I have watched it a half-dozen or so times and am delighted with each viewing.
I was discussing decision making with a friend recently. We both agreed that some decisions produce rotten results. If only, if only began ringing in my mind.
We make decisions using several different techniques:
- The Ben Franklin technique–draw a line down the middle of a page with Pros on one side of the line and Cons on the other.
- Value decision making–listing the things that we most value as a way to choose.
- Another aid in choosing: The aspiration technique written about by Agnes Callard, a philosophy professor at University of Chicago in her book Aspiration: The Agency of Becoming. She suggests that we make choices based on who we desire to become. We leave the old behind to create and discover a new self.
Unfortunately I often fail to use any of these techniques. I make decisions impulsively. This unwise technique has caused my mind to be bombarded with “if onlys” as harshly as the furies pursued Orestes.
Regret is an intemperate and self-indulgent imposition that empties our spirit, similar to digging holes in the desert. I am powerless over the mistakes I have made therefore I have asked God to remove those regrets from my mind so I can discover a new self. I aspire to be kinder to myself.